Imagine the sound of a tiny whoopee cushion or an aquarium pump without enough water. This is how it begins: I turn the Womanizer on and it gurgles at me. To its credit, the Womanizer has a 2-year warranty. Its packaging adorably promises “100% lust & good feeling.” It comes with an extra silicone nozzle (which is easily removed for cleaning) and a hard shell zip-up case - dusty baby pink with the word womanizer in a swoopy font, so if someone finds it they’ll think it’s the place you store your Britney memorabilia and/or weapons to hunt men who’ve wronged you. Its manual contains the same bullshit ableist verbiage I’ve encountered before. It charges via USB but is not waterproof. “If I went to a bachelorette party and they were giving out favors, I’d expect that to be in there as a fucking joke.” “I wouldn’t pay 18 dollars for that,” she retorted. It’s tacky as fuck… and I literally own a bedazzler.” I told her the price. “This looks like shit,” she said immediately when I handed the Womanizer to her. I had the perfect subject to ask: my childhood friend, whose office is hot pink with leopard print curtains - on purpose. Gaudy as all get-out, I assume the company’s only source of information about their target market was an alien whose two earth-souvenirs were a VHS tape of Poison music videos and a copy of Pretty Pretty Princess. I “chose” the blue snakeskin design, apparently unable to let go of that dark time in my life when I thought snakeskin-printed pants made me look ~cool~.īut maybe the design would appeal to a certain type of person.

Shaped like an ear thermometer or zit zapper, the Womanizer looks less like a pleasure device and more like it’s supposed to diagnose my clit or remove errant materials from my orifices. It has five levels of vibration too, but the reason you’d fork over $189 for this contraption would be for the sucking sensation it promises. The Womanizer W100 sucks - quite literally. The company’s intended meaning, I’m sure, was that this toy pleases women… and by women they (problematically) mean clitorises. For instance, I recently Googled “do cats go through menopause” and “can guitar face be controlled.” You are capable of Googling “ womanizer.” You’re not naming your external hard drive you’re naming a product, which presumably you plan to market in the US. I know it was designed by Germans, but guys, it’s 2015, you need to nary lift an ass cheek off your chair to find the answer to any imaginable question. I feel these are legitimate questions to ask of a sex toy named the Womanizer. Why doesn’t the spout emit AXE body spray? Why isn’t this sex toy wearing a wife beater? Womanizer Pro40 or Womanizer Starlet as an intro to this unique stimulation. This model of the Womanizer is no longer available, but I recommend the

Womanizer starlet 2 reviews